SSS: Snogging Shock Syndrome
by metro.max
Summary: Professor Flitwick finds Lily Evans and James Potter in a rather unwanted arrangement and is overcome with a serious case of S.S.S. [oneshot]


**Disclaimer: **You know...

**Author's Notes: **Keep in mind that this story is K, meaning Lily and James weren't doing anything inappropriate. Get your dirty minds out of the gutter. :P Oh yeah... and enjoy!

...And review. You honestly didn't think I would forget, would you. :)

_Aliss_

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**_S.S.S.: Snogging Shock Syndrome_**

Professor Flitwick tottered down the Charms corridor, a large and extremely heavy stack of essays piled high in his arms. Putting one short leg in front of the other, he merely intended to drop the freshly corrected papers off in his classroom and head for the Professors' Lounge to have a cup of tea and perhaps a few of Minerva's ginger newts, but was instead met with a bit of an unpleasant shock.

Upon opening the door — which required setting the tower of failure down to search for his wand (which was incidentally inside his classroom) instead of simply turning the doorknob — he immediately dropped the mass of parchment, which scattered spectacularly all about the classroom.

His lips formed an oddly shaped "o" as a gasp (which he in no way tried to masquerade) passed through them. Merlin only knows and no one in their right state of mind would _want_ to know the thoughts that were passing through his mind at the moment, which must've consisted of the following: "good grief," "how absurd," "in the Charms classroom," "how dare they," and "Merlin deliver me!"

Opening his mouth, he managed to force out (in a squeaky voice at least a quarter of an octave higher than was normal for him), "Miss Evans, get off him this instant!"

Professor Flitwick watched with buggy-wide eyes as Lily Evans — a bright witch, Head Girl, and a favorite student of his — turned her head from where she was currently straddling one James Potter. He ogled as she turned her eyes back toward said James Potter, who shared with her a meaningful look.

Professor Flitwick gasped as James Potter pushed Lily Evans off of himself, saying in an offended tone, "Gerroff me, Evans!"

He turned toward the still-gaping Professor Flitwick. "She attacked me, Professor!"

Professor Flitwick felt his jaw drop.

"Jumped me when my back was turned, sir!" said James Potter, pointing an accusing finger at Lily Evans.

"But only because I had to, Professor!" Lily Evans cried, jumping up from her floor-bound arrangements from where she had been watching the scene with very convincing disbelieving eyes.

"A likely story!" shouted James Potter, waving his arms grotesquely in front of Professor Flitwick's face.

"But I had to, sir, I had to! Peeves was about to drop a copy of _Advanced Charms: Year Seven _on his head, Professor, and you know how heavy those are!"

"She's only saying that, sir! It was a deliberate attempt at my life!" cried James Potter, his voice as well as his gestures taking on a new meaning of the word _exaggerated_.

"I would never!" exclaimed Lily Evans, raising a hand to her chest in an act of utter and complete shock.

"As only the guilty would say!" retaliated James Potter. "What're you planning on doing, Professor? You would surely never let a crime of such magnitude go unpunished, would you sir?"

Professor Flitwick goggled, his foot currently smudging an essay (though a failing essay, so it didn't matter much anyway).

"You see?" cried James Potter, glaring at Evans and pointing at the Professor himself. "Your crimes shall not go unpunished!"

"But he hasn't said anything!" rectified Lily Evans, motioning to the still-motionless Professor Flitwick.

"The silence explains everything!"

James Potter threw his arms in the air wildly.

"The silence explains nothing!" reiterated Lily Evans (though without the wild arm-swinging).

"But silence is golden!" said James Potter, attempting to explain his highly confusing and clearly lost Train of Thought.

"Then I suggest following your own philosophy!" replied Lily Evans coolly, arms folded.

"Fine."

"Fine."

They shared a silent glare.

Lily Evans tapped her foot.

James Potter clicked his tongue.

Lily Evans shuffled her feet.

James Potter crossed and uncrossed his arms.

Lily Evans took notice of the scattered futures of tomorrow.

"Professor, you've dropped your papers!"

Yanking on James Potter's arm and dragging him down with her, they quickly gathered all the broken dreams and stacked them on the Professor's desk.

"We'll escort you to… where ever you happen to be going, Professor," said James Potter, setting his hand on the Professor's shoulder like he was a small child and guiding him from the room.

"The Professors' Lounge, I assume?" inquired Lily Evans, and began walking in the direction of the Lounge without the slightest hint of a response to her aforementioned inquiry.

"So, Professor Flitwick, how has your evening been?" questioned James Potter, and the Professor was about to open his mouth to assure the students that they would both be getting a detention for their aforesaid behavior and how truly disgusted he was in their choice of classrooms for such a display of conduct, but he then noticed that while the question was directed toward him, James Potter's eyes were taking in one Lily Evans instead.

_How queer_, he thought, and was once again about to answer when said Lily Evans responded for him, which he found even the queerer as she had not the slightest as to how his evening had been going (which was running along smoothly until he saw students spanning each other, which just about ruined the whole day for him).

"I'm sure his evening has been just corking, James," she replied, eyes glaring in an ardent way, if was possible.

"Well why not have _him _answer, shall we?"

They both turned back to the thoroughly disorientated Professor Flitwick, who merely raised his eyebrows in correspondence to his utter bewilderment.

They both gave a huff of annoyance at the same time before whipping their heads around to eye each other with looks of… well, Professor Flitwick wasn't quite sure what the look they gave each other was, but it surely wasn't normal teenage behavior. He'd have to address the situation of these two with Albus; there was without a doubt something off color.

"So…" began James Potter, and Lily Evans cut him off with a light cough. He nodded and rolled his eyes as soon as she looked away.

They turned a corner and started down the corridor that the Professors' Lounge just happened to be located in.

James Potter ran a hand through his hair, aggravated, and once again opened his mouth to say, "How's your evening been, Professor Flitwick?"

Both Professor Flitwick and Lily Evans raised their eyebrows curiously and the latter, rather than responding for Professor Flitwick once again, opened a door off the corridor.

Upon entrance to the infamous Professors' Lounge, James Potter guided Professor Flitwick over to his favorite chair (though he was quite bemused as to how James Potter knew which his preferred chair was).

"Tea, Professor?" Lily Evans asked, once again dashing off without a response to her aforementioned inquiry.

"And a few of Minerva's ginger newts, of course," added James Potter with a wink, he following Lily Evans' lead and leaving without a creditable response, though none was needed at mention of Minerva's ginger newts.

Professor Flitwick felt his overwhelmed-ness melting away as a cup of gingerroot tea and a plateful of biscuits were shoved into his awaiting hands.

"We'll just see ourselves out then, Professor," said Lily Evans sweetly, grabbing James Potter's elbow in a painful grasp.

"See you in class, sir!" called out James Potter as Lily Evans dragged him along, adding a farewell wave as the door snapped shut behind them.

Professor Flitwick bit into a ginger newt and eyed the doorway curiously, Merlin only knowing that he might be thinking with an audible chuckle, _And you'd think getting caught snogging was a capital offence. _

**FIN. **


End file.
